All the Single Ladies (and Gents)

I have had a very heavy heart lately. My mind has been racing with thoughts and frustrations. Being a 28 year old single gal is definitely not the norm in the current world around me. There are daily reminders of being in this stage of life by myself which leads to questioning why I'm here. Sometimes those reminders could be prevented (facebook is a discouragement and chick flicks don't help), but oftentimes the most hurtful reminders come from other people. People say things that I'm sure are well-intended, but can be quite hurtful at the same time.

I've really been in prayer and thought about this stage of life called singleness. I wish I could offer up words of wisdom that have been given to me to share with anyone else in this stage, but the more I think on it, the more frustrated and discouraged I become. And quite frankly, I haven't received much advice from anyone older in the same boat or anyone who has really experienced singleness for a long time. I feel like the last 3 years especially, I've become more of a cynic toward love and marriage because of this. I don't want to read books about finding my mate. I don't want to hear "reassurances" that "I'm still young." I don't want to think how it's better to be in this stage than to be with the wrong person. Hearing and doing those things make the realization of being alone even more painful. I purposefully try to avoid these conversations, yet sometimes that's all others seem to want to talk about. I come home to visit. "Have you found a man yet?" No. "Are you dating anyone?" No. Never fails. Because apparently that's the whole significance of my life right now.

All I know is this. My God is in control of my life. He knows who I need and when I need him. He has the answers, and I won't find them in a book or hear them from a person. God is having me wait for a reason. He has given me patience, which makes me really annoyed by impatient people. I feel blessed to have this time to myself. I have learned more about myself: my strengths and weaknesses, my likes and dislikes, my values, my personality. And I know that He is shaping a man to compliment all of those areas of my life. God is writing my love story. I honestly believe that. While mine seems to be one of those really annoying chick-flicks where you just want the couple to be together already but there are always obstacles in the way... I know the outcome will be beautiful. His timing is perfect.

Would I rather be married now? Honestly, yes. Do I daily pout and and whine because I'm not? Definitely, no. I'm not going to go "searching" for the right man to come into my life. It's not my decision. I'm not going to spend my weekends out on the town because that's not me, nor do I want my husband to be a man that lives that lifestyle. I'm not going to try online dating because I don't feel comfortable with it. If that's how God wanted me to find him, I believe He would give me a peace about it. I wouldn't mind at all being setup by a friend. My parents met on a blind date and have been married for 38 years! :) However, the importance of knowing both people involved in the setup is extremely high. If he "looks like a cool guy at church" but you don't know him, how do you know he would be a good match for me?

While I don't always like this stage of life, I accept it. I keep living. I don't let it define me. Sometimes I wish others would do the same. For those of you who are not single, I would like to possibly open up your eyes to ways that you could encourage your single friends as opposed to making them feel worse. The following quotes have been said to me and while I know not purposeful, have been hurtful. People may not even empathize with how these statements can make a person feel, but here we go:

• "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." That's a great Psalm, a great promise. I do appreciate it. However, please refrain from telling a single person this verse as an encouragement. The desire of my heart is to have a husband to be sharing life with. If that's the case, I now feel like I must not be delighting in the Lord. Or it makes me question what the desires of my heart really are. And are my desires God-given or created by myself? Just opens up feelings of insecurity. 
• "There's just no guy good enough for you." Wow. Really? Just think about that for a minute and maybe the frustration will hit. That really sounds encouraging to ever find someone. I am in NO way perfect. Nor do I intend to find the perfect guy. I want the perfect guy for me.
• " ___ is such a great guy. I just wish he could find someone." When said with the above mentioned quote, knife in the heart. I guess I'm not good enough for him.
• "Why aren't you dating anyone?" Gee, if I knew the answer to that question, I'd give it to you. Because I guess no one is good enough for me, or so it's been said.
• "Someday you're going to make a great wife and mom." Thanks for the heads up!

Single friends: Be encouraged! Keep living life! We have a Father that knows us better than we know ourselves and loves us as His children. He is writing our stories. He knows who we need and will bring him/her along to fit in His plan. It's good!

Married friends: Be there for your single friends. Don't offer advice if you've never lived through a significant amount of time being single. I've never had a child, so I wouldn't give advice about being pregnant to a pregnant woman. I've never experienced it. Listen to us. Pray for us. Pray for our story.