Fearful to Fearless

I am not a very courageous person. As far back as I can remember, I have always been timid and fearful of trying new things, of bad things happening, of change, of the unexpected, of the unknown. It's an area that I know God has been working on in me since way back when.

I remember being fearful of getting hurt. I was probably the last kid to learn how to ride a bike without training wheels. I was always the kid hanging onto the wall while roller skating. I was the kid scared of the ducks in the pond across the street. I was the kid too scared to go to the top of the Eiffel Tower at Kings Island. I was the kid who imagined the worst with every creak and thump heard at night. I was also the kid who always wanted to do things the right way for fear of being wrong or being punished. I listened to what I was told and knew I better do it, for fear of consequences or fear of things not going as planned if I didn't do it right. This was my fear of trying new things.

I have a tendency to imagine how situations will go which causes me to fear the worst. I can recall a time when I was little and it was time for bed. I went to my room, but when I looked at the window, I imagined a ladder leaned up against it. I thought someone was climbing up the ladder to my room to get me. I froze and couldn't go inside. I explained this to my parents, who quickly came to investigate to realize that I was seeing the reflection of my dresser. That was it. No one had a ladder and no one was coming to get me.  This was my fear of the unexpected.

A lot of these fearful feelings didn't go away as childhood turned into adulthood. In fact, my fears heightened even more. Granted, being an adult, I'm still fearful of some childish things: birds (oh that peacock at the zoo... yikes), snakes, clowns, storms. I can't handle it. But even more so than fears of these tangible things, I fear so much more.

Let's go back to May 2006. I had just graduated college. I remember sitting in my parents' basement, talking things over with my mom, and just bursting into tears out of fear of the unknown. Where would I live? Would I get a job? What was coming next? Was I prepared? Where would my friends be? How do I know what to do? What if I make the wrong choice? Am I doing the right thing? I just remember my mom's words: Pray. She prayed over me as I'm pretty much shaking in fear. I could feel Jesus' presence and peace rush over me. I'll never forget her words to pray and praise Him in my times of fear. This was my fear of change.

A couple of years later, I'm living on my own. First of all, I NEVER thought I'd see the day that I would be able to live on my own out of being too fearful. Staying at my parents' house by myself was nerve-racking. I always assumed I HAD to get married to have someone with me to protect me and reassure me that all was well. God had other plans... plans which I'm sure included learning to rely on Him in the fearful times. Back to the story, I kept hearing sounds that I thought someone for sure was in my house. I was in the bathroom and too scared to come out. I finally made my way to my bedroom and locked myself inside. I'm talking so petrified that I would look under my bed, in closets, and behind doors to make sure no one was there. I would cry (quietly, so the stranger didn't hear) and finally called home. My parents lived not too far away, and a couple times that this happened, someone would come and stay with me until I was calmed down. I would pray and His peace would come. Sometimes I could muster up a song. This was my fear of the unknown.

I credit a lot of my fears to being a highly emotional, imaginative person. I came to realize that whenever I had watched something on TV or heard a tragic news story, my imagination would run wild. One time, I recall reading a book. It was a good book! A fictional story by a Christian author, following a family through troubling times. I became so immersed in the book that I began to connect my family to the characters. When tragedy struck this family, I became fearful that something tragic was going to happen to ours. I woke up in the middle of the night screaming and crying because I had dreamed that it happened to our family. Prayed. Prayed. Prayed. This was my fear of bad things happening.

Because of my imagination/fears/inability to separate fiction from reality, I became very guarded of what I allow myself to see, hear, read, and think about. Philippians 4:8 became my standard to measure entertainment: "... whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-- think about such things." My movie collection is a whole lot of chick flicks and comedies with happy endings. I don't watch the news. I watch light-hearted TV shows, if any. This actually has helped me tremendously.

So what now? I live hours away from my family, on my own (except for my dog). Something which I think needed to happen in order for me to fully trust God that He can drive away any thought, feeling, fear that is holding me captive. I can trust Him to comfort me and protect me. He has healed me of this bondage and continually gives me peace through unknowns. Peace through trying new things. Peace through the unexpected. Peace through bad things happening. Peace through change. He has made me fear less, and continues to strengthen me to become fearless. 

How do I know this? His reminders and reassurance in His word. I wanted to make something to represent this journey and serve as a reminder of God's protection and power over fear. I wrote down all of my favorite scriptures that speak of God overpowering fear and ultimately how Christ's perfect love drives fears out of our lives. Here's what I created followed by each verse represented:

2 Timothy 1:7- For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

John 14:27- Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Joshua 1:9- Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

I Peter 3:14- But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. “Do not fear their threats; do not be frightened."

Psalm 91:4-6- He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.

Psalm 112:7- They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.

Isaiah 44:8- Do not tremble, do not be afraid. Did I not proclaim this and foretell it long ago? You are my witnesses. Is there any God besides me? No, there is no other Rock; I know not one.”

Isaiah 35:4- say to those with fearful hearts, “Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you.”

Isaiah 54:4- “Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.

Isaiah 51:7- “Hear me, you who know what is right, you people who have taken my instruction to heart: Do not fear the reproach of mere mortals or be terrified by their insults.

Luke 1:74- to rescue us from the hand of our enemies, and to enable us to serve him without fear

Romans 8:38-39- For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

2 Corinthians 7:5-6- For when we came into Macedonia, we had no rest, but we were harassed at every turn—conflicts on the outside, fears within. But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus,

Psalm 23:4- Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Isaiah 41:10- So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:13- For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand

and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Romans 8:15- The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry,“Abba, Father.”

1 John 4:18- There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.